Saturday, November 29, 2014

Are you slave, submissive or bottom?



I have found some interesting definition of these "labels". There's nothing wrong with labels. These labels are meant to help us discover who and what we are.

These are from the Submissive Guide:

Bottom
A bottom is the lower role within a play session. Generally the person does not submit outside of the agreed upon time that both parties are enjoying the physical aspects of play. Bottoms have more control over what happens in the scene than other submissive types.

Submissive
A submissive is someone that submits in a relationship either part of full-time. This can involve only in the bedroom play all the way to live-in service. A submissive generally submits only to those they are in a D/s relationship with and are respectful of others outside of it. A submissive has roles and rules and structure to guide their interactions with their Dominant and with others. Most of the time they still hold a veto card called the safeword.

Slave
A slave is a separate form of submissive. They hold no limits other than what their Masters give them. They can not refuse service to their Dominant. The argument has been going on since the beginning of time about the real differences and so I’d like to set up right here what I believe so that you can understand where I am coming from when discussions happen on this site. A slave is on a deeper more intense level of service than any submissive could work up to. If someone says they were submissive and became a slave, it is because they were always a slave and are now finally identifying as that. Becoming a slave is re-identifying yourself, not just a progression but an intensification of submission.
Here are my thoughts:

A submissive gives up some control, but has more of a say in what he can do and when he would do it. He has this strong desire to submit and serve under certain conditions: length of service, what aspects or parts of his life he's willing to submit, his hard/soft limits, etc. The Dominant can do whatever she wants as long as it's the set limits. When the Dominant tells him to do something and he isn't comfortable, he has the choice to respectfully decline.

A slave gives up all rights and control to the Master/Mistress. A slave is owned property who obeys. He may respectfully discuss and share his feelings with his Mistress/Master, but the Mistress/Master makes the final decision, and slave must abide by it. If he doesn't, then he will face the consequences.

You're most likely a bottom if you enjoy "playing the role of a submissive" (meaning you're not really submissive, you're just acting like one) in a scene and you don't conform to the role, not all the time, not most of the time, not even some of the time. Your role is limited to what you and the Top has agreed upon and doesn't go beyond that. In fact, bottoms are more in control of a scene or gives instructions to the Top like what they want to be done to them and how.

You can't call yourself a slave if you won't give up control and obey a Mistress/Master's orders.

You're not a submissive if you won't submit some part of your life to a Dominant partner.

So what are you?

3 comments:

  1. Totally agree about labels, btw. We invent those for a reason.

    I hope I'm not a bottom, anyway. Being in more control than the dominant - that defeats the whole point to me. That's why I've never wanted to see a professional dominatrix - it feels like me going for a service, me giving a list of what I want to happen, and her acting those things out for my entertainment. That's all wrong.
    I guess I'm a submissive. Or would be, if I were submitting to someone. That's the real test. Will know for sure next time someone tells me to do something!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's nothing wrong with seeing a professional domme. There are people who just don't want to commit or submit but have the strong desire to be humiliated or punished. That's where a pro comes in.
      I don't really think I am a Mistress(Master) and I don't want to be responsible for all or most decisions for another person but I know I am a Domme. I want someone who will submit and commit even if it's up to a certain point. I don't want a person who will "play" or communicate with me only when it's convenient for him.

      Delete
  2. I and submissive and I am ok with my feelings

    ReplyDelete

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