I Miss...

I miss having someone special in my life.

I am a Domme but at the end of the day, I am a Woman. I want to be loved and cared for. I want to be romanced or have romance in my life. Basically, I want someone who genuinely cares for me. I had this a long time ago, I had a sub who loved me but we both screwed things up.

I don't expect to have a slave/sub to be come my boyfriend. It's possible but I'm not sure it will likely happen. Sometimes I feel like subs do not care about how a Domme feels as a Woman. In my experience, most subs expect a Domme to be dominant 100% of the time. If a Domme mentions something vanilla or not related to D/s, they skirt the issue or act as if it's non-existent.

How many times I've mentioned to a sub, something like, I enjoy watching comedies, I get, "Ah I see." Nothing else follows or they pull me back to talk about something kinky or D/s. I have mentioned to a sub that I had to stop messaging him because my house is already flooded. The response was, "Ok Miss. I'll talk to you again tomorrow." No care there.

Eversince I started domming, I'd get flowers from my ex (I never ordered him but he would send me flowers every now and then). When we parted ways, there was always a sub who would send me flowers on my birthday, upon my orders of course. A few days before my birthday, I was venting to an alleged Dom about not getting any flowers on my birthday. His reaction was, "Why would you want flowers? You're a Domme." WHAT????? I stopped chatting with him after that. I did get my flowers but I had to order someone. How pathetic is that? Hahahaha.

My ex sub/bf raised the bar so high that no one can compare to him. He did care about me and did things to make me happy. When we were starting, he was required to send me a text message everyday. Even if it was expensive, he did it because it was his obligation. After we met, I forgot all about his text duty but would still send me a message and sometimes he would call just to hear my voice. I never required him to call me because I was aware it was expensive but he did it because he wanted to and he knew it would make me happy.

We didn't work out. We both had issues, he and I. And it didn't help that I was new to the lifestyle. He was new too but he knew more than I did. But that's all in the past now.

I would sometimes interview subs, ask them about their past Dommes. Some would tell me their Dommes got married to a vanilla guy or to another sub. I'd tell them why didn't they just marry their Dommes in the first place. I think they didn't realize that a Domme wants to be desired and needed as a Woman too. Or maybe they are waiting for the Dommes to order them to marry them. Come on!

These vanilla men have loved and accepted these Women for what they are. It is hard to be dominant all the time. We also want to be taken care of and feel vulnerable once in a while. I guess my situation is even harder for me because I'm a Filipina. Filipinas are known for being sweet and affectionate and caring. I feel I can't be those to a sub as he would perceive it as weakness or submission. Yes, Filipinas are also known for being submissive to their men. Been there, done that and will never go back to being submissive but I still miss being affectionate.

Sorry readers, I'm just venting. It's not easy being a Domme. I am human too.